Continuing my series on influencing difficult people….
It starts with identifying WHY you’re unable to change someone’s mind. And narcissists are notoriously obstinate.
You’re not alone if you have this issue. The C-Suite executives I coach face narcissistic key stakeholders in positions of power every day.
My previous post listed the first 3 reasons why it’s so difficult to change a narcissists’s mind. This one adds 3 more:
* They’re addicted to admiration and must be the center of attention.
* They mislead, cheat, or bully to get what they want.
* They’re revenge-aholics, compelled to strike back at any perceived slight.
Hint: Anything that doesn’t feed their grandiose sense of self-importance is a slight.
That said, the easiest person to MANIPULATE is a narcissist. Hollow flattery can easily move the needle—but flattering a narcissist is like George Bernard Shaw’s idiom about wresting a pig in the mud: You’ll get dirty and the pig will enjoy it. (To be clear, I’m not labeling narcissists pigs—it’s just an expression.)
Any gains you make through manipulation are mucky and temporary. The narcissist will soon revert to resistance because their minds are stubborn with self-interest.
I’m anti-manipulation and pro-influence. I wrote about this in my last book, Become the Real Deal. https://www.amazon.com/Become-Real-Deal-Influence-Executive/dp/1118633784
I believe you can influence even the most challenging people with integrity. I help leaders do that every day, powered by 20 years of research at The Influence Lab.
We’ll get to the HOW later in the series. But the first step is to identify why a person is so resistant to you and the change you seek to lead.
See you in the next post—meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts!